Volume 1: The Middle

Stocks, Cory

English 405

The Middle

The air in the bar was musty and moist. Two men sat at the cracked, mahogany counter, which was littered with cigarette butts and half eaten mini pretzels. The dim light emanating from above was made hazy by the thick layer of smoke that hovered in the air. One man turned to the other, who was sitting at the far end of the counter.

“Excuse me sir, but do you happen to have the time?” the man asked.

“Time isn’t important. It would be in your best interest to think about how you got here in the first place.”

“Well, that’s quite simple, actually. I…”

Yet the man could not recall being anywhere but the bar. This set his mind to work. The man at the end of the bar stood up and began to walk toward him.

“Why don’t you just take a seat next to me? I’ll order us some drinks and I can think about how I got here.”

“I thought I made myself clear. Food and drink won’t help you here. Now, get to thinking, so you can realize the answers to your questions.”

“I’m not quite sure I understand what you are talking about.” the man replied.

“I insistently insist that you pay heed to your surroundings and actions.”

The man, feeling slightly dazed and confused, took a long look at the room and gathered his thoughts. In the dim light, he could see that he and the other man were the only people in the bar. Behind the counter, nothing stirred.

“Where is the bartender, surely he didn’t just leave his bar unattended?”

“All that matters is that you’re here. Now, reflect upon your actions and you will receive a crystal clear answer.”

At this, the man stood up and moved toward the door. His hand met the cold brass handle of the doorknob.

“I’m leaving now, as I have found no answers here. You yourself have refused to be straightforward with me. Good day to you.”

He turned the doorknob slowly and opened the door. As he walked through the door, he gasped. He was standing in the same bar. The strange figure he met earlier stood before him.

“It doesn’t look like you’ll be going anywhere anytime soon. Surely you will come sit with me. You have all the time you could possibly ask for to realize your true potential for greatness. You need to reflect upon your life and the decisions that you have made in order to reach peace.” the stranger said.

“What is this? I have no idea how I got here and no idea how to leave!”

“You are on a fine line between greatness and destruction, torment and paradise. You must realize your true potential in order to reach paradise. Until then, I’m here to encourage you to reflect upon your actions in life. If you are able to realize your faults, then you can put them behind you and move on into eternity.”

“I still don’t understand what you’re talking about. Realize my faults? What is this!” the man exclaimed.

“Well, I suppose we have an eternity to find out, don’t we?” replied the stranger.

Ryan and Jennifer were fighting again. He saw it as being lectured, the words spewing forth from the nagging woman’s mouth. Each syllable would roll off her tongue with utter ferocity. He knew when he was about to be lectured. Jennifer would purse her lips so tightly together that the skin above her mouth would turn a bright red. She looked like she had just swallowed a lemon whole. He smiled at the thought.

“Oh, is this funny to you? Do you appreciate making me feel this way?”

She saw it as scolding a child. Would a slap on the wrist do? That look on his face is what got her. It was a look of disinterest, a blank stare into nothingness. He would not look her in the eyes. In fact, he hardly ever looked her in the eyes anymore.

“No. I…guess it isn’t.” he replied.

“You haven’t been a father to our son for the past 4 years. You never attend any of his events…what can I say Ryan? I’m on my last nerve, and you don’t even seem to care.”

Ryan didn’t answer. Instead, his eyes became fixed on Jennifer’s hair. The hair she pushed behind her ears was turning grey with age. Or perhaps it was turning grey from the stress he caused her. He began to slip into a daydream, and his vision became blurred. Jennifer’s voice began to fade. Another voice took its place.

“Ryan?” said the voice.

Ryan was back in the bar, the strange figure standing before him. His vision came back into focus and was fixed upon the man’s face.

“What was that all about?” he asked.

“You are making progress. You are beginning to recall the moments you regret most in life, in this instance, not being involved in your son’s life.”

“Well, does that mean I get my ultimate answer? Do I get to find this ‘peace’ you keep talking about?”

“No, it means that you are making progress toward that goal.” the man said.

Ryan returned to the old mahogany counter and sat down. His mind was racing. The vision he had just experienced was so short, yet it spoke so much about his life. He turned to take a good look at the strange man. His eyes met something gold that shimmered on his right ring finger. It was a ring with an inscription etched around its band.

“Pardon me, but what does your ring say?”

“It says, ‘To the body, broken’.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I suppose you will learn soon enough.”

“Oh…great…more riddles to confuse the hell out of me. Sure could use a drink right about now.”

Ryan put his head down on the counter and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes and let his mind wander.

“Ryan, I am pregnant.”

Ryan choked behind his glass of red wine.

“Exc…excuse me?”

“I’m pregnant Ryan, what’s so damn hard to grasp?”

Great, just when they were getting their lives started, it would be coming to an end. The thought of dirty diapers and spilled juice boxes crept into his mind.

“Jen…a baby? You really think we can handle this right now?”

“Well Ryan, since it’s already conceived, I guess we have to handle it, don’t we?”

Ryan’s roast duck was beginning to taste bitter in his mouth. He looked down at his hands. He was getting old. The faint wrinkles on the tops of his hands were like thin timelines leading up to this moment. This child would mean more responsibility, more stress, and more fights. Ryan looked back up to see Jennifer walk out of the room. The glass of red wine was his only companion now.

“Here’s to responsibility.”

Ryan awoke with a start to find himself back in the bar with the strange man.

“Have you had enough? Don’t you realize that I understand what I did wrong?”

“If you knew the true hurt you caused, then we wouldn’t be sitting here having this conversation Ryan. Your actions, in this case, speak far louder than your words.”

“So I’m being tormented for my mistakes…for things in my life that I can never change?”

“No, you are being forced to reminisce upon those actions that landed you in this place. Once you realize your greatest faults, you will be able to move on.”

“But I understand! I’m not a good husband and I sure as hell am not a good father!”

“You are getting impressively close to your ultimate answer Ryan. Continue to remember these faults in order to find yourself.”

All Ryan could do was stare in disbelief. All he could gather from these strange and haunting visions was that he wasn’t performing at an adequate level as a family man. As he was thinking this, a bittersweet memory came into focus.

“Ryan sweetie, it’s our one year anniversary!” exclaimed Jennifer.

“It is, isn’t it.” said Ryan from underneath the cherry red Honda something.

“We should go out tonight. We haven’t been out all week.”

Ryan slid out from underneath the car. His face was covered in oil and dirt.

“You know what? That sounds like a fine idea honey! Come give me a great, big kiss!”

“Ew, you’re all covered in oil!” laughed Jennifer.

Ryan took a long look at his girlfriend. Her jet-black hair swayed this way and that in the autumn wind. Her piercing blue eyes stared right back at him. This, surely, was an angel.

“Baby, can I tell you something?” Ryan asked.

“Sure.”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

Jennifer’s eyes lit up as she bent down to kiss him.

“Ryan…Ryan…Ryan.” said a voice.

Without opening his eyes, Ryan replied, “Let me guess, I’m going to open my eyes and be right back in that awful, awful place.”

He was still sitting in the bar with the man.

“I’m doing what you told me, I’m reminiscing.”

“You are focusing on the wrong aspects of your life, Ryan.”

“Your vagueness is not making this any easier. I’m confused, and my patience is wearing thin.”

“That was always something you had a problem with, wasn’t it Ryan? Being patient was never your strong point.”

And in a rush of color another vision came into focus.

“Okay, here we go Tommy!” exclaimed Jennifer.

Ryan and Jennifer were taking their son to the local amusement park.

“Ryan, sweetie, did you bring the sun block?” asked Jennifer.

“For the last time Jen, yes, I brought the sun block.”

It was almost ironic that they were on their way to an amusement park, because Ryan was not at all thrilled by the idea. A trip to the amusement park meant screaming children, run-down bathrooms, and overpriced popcorn. Ryan could almost hear his wallet screaming for help.

“Jen, why do we have to do this every year? You would think a one time thrill would lose its magic after…one time.”

“Ryan, this isn’t about you. It’s about Tommy. Have some patience.”

Ryan pulled the keys from out of his pocket and unlocked the car doors. He watched as Jennifer strapped Tommy into the car seat.

“Ok, here we go!” cried Jennifer.

She was too excited. Ryan could not understand how Jennifer could be this enthusiastic about something they did every year for the past three years. Once they were all in the car, Ryan started the engine.

“You aren’t forgetting anything, right Jennifer? Last time we had to drive all the way back from the park because you forgot the diaper bag.”

“Lighten up, Ryan. You just don’t know how to have a good time, do you?”

Ryan said nothing. He just rolled his eyes and pulled out into the street.

“Here we go.” he said, with little enthusiasm.

The ride to the amusement park was quiet. Ryan and Jennifer didn’t even look at one another. In the back, Tommy had fallen asleep. Ryan began to count the minutes to their arrival at the amusement park. In ten minutes, he would feel the urge to pull every hair out of his head. Finally, Jennifer spoke up.

“Ryan, please, try to have a good time today. For Tommy’s sake. He feeds off of your energy. Seeing you smile makes his day, believe it or not.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll try.”

Ryan pulled into the parking lot and paid the $10 parking fee.

“Damn, parking here costs almost half of the admission price.”

“Ryan, it’s for Tommy, remember.”

“Hey Tom, time to wake up bud, we’re here.” said Ryan.

Tommy opened his eyes slowly and yawned.

“Are you excited sweetie? Mommy is going to buy you a nice, big ice cream sundae!”

Ryan pulled into a parking space, and they all got out. He felt like such a fool, standing in the parking lot with his high-cut shorts and baseball cap.

“I feel like a damn tourist Jen.”

“You look like one too, sweetie.” Jennifer said, through clenched teeth.

Ryan knew he’d better shut his mouth. This would turn into an even longer day if he wasn’t careful.

“Two adults and one child please.” said Jennifer.

Right as they entered the gates, Ryan knew this was going to be an all day affair. There were people filling every square inch of the entrance plaza.

“This place is a zoo, the lines will be ridiculous!”

Jennifer didn’t even bother replying at this point. She had had enough of Ryan’s complaints. She simply took Tommy by the hand and led him through the crowd. Ryan followed sheepishly behind. He wished things could go back to the way they were. When he and Jennifer had no care in the world. Now life revolved around trips to the amusement park and family time. He followed Jennifer and Tommy into the line for the carousel. The line seemed to stretch for a mile. People really wanted to wait in a line to ride a plastic horse? The concept baffled Ryan, and he made a mistake in verbalizing it.

“Really? This long of a wait to ride some stupid horse?”

Jennifer turned to him furiously.

“Ryan, you know what? Go home. You can come pick us up when we are done here.”

“But…I.”

“You have no patience anymore Ryan. We can’t spend a day out as a family without you complaining about something. Go home.”

Ryan was defeated. He stepped out of line and began walking toward the entrance plaza. He looked around as he walked. The artificial street lamps hung over the sidewalk, vacant of any light source. He could almost relate to the lamps, the fire in his heart had gone out long ago. The entrance plaza street seemed to stretch on forever. His vision became fuzzy, and his eyes became heavy.

The mood in the bar was still gloomy.

“Your impatience grew old to everyone around you. Even when your son, your flesh and blood, had the opportunity to enjoy himself, you felt it necessary to intervene with your selfishness.”

“Oh please, you would have felt the same way, people stomping on your feet, children screaming. Being at that park was an inconvenience.”

“An inconvenience to you, Ryan. Your child delighted in the fact that he was spending time with you and Jennifer.”

“Well…I…”

“Don’t you see Ryan? Your faults are quickly outweighing anything good you may have done.”

“So, what are you saying? What is the point in all this? Am I dead? Where the hell am I?”

“I think you know the answer to your questions, Ryan. I think we have time for one more memory.”

“I don’t know if I can do this again, it’s driving me crazy…”

But it was too late. The room began to spin around them, and darkness enveloped the two men.

“Alright Ryan, you can take your break now.” said a voice.

Ryan got out of his deluxe office chair and headed for the door. He had in mind to take the elevator today. He deserved it, after so much hard work. He took the elevator down 5 stories and got off at the entrance hall. He made for the front door while thinking about what he wanted to eat for lunch. Sub sandwich? Or would he be daring enough to eat at the old burger joint on the corner? He stepped out of the building and onto the sidewalk. Across the way, he saw the little burger stand filled with people, and decided to try it out. He stepped off the sidewalk into the crosswalk, but immediately jumped backwards as a bus flew by, blaring its horn.

“The crazy bastard!” Ryan yelled.

He stopped to take a breath and gather himself. Now what was he supposed to be doing right now? He couldn’t remember. All he could do was stand still on the sidewalk. For some strange reason, people were running in his direction screaming at each other.

“Hey! What’s going on?” Ryan asked a passing man. But the man said nothing.

Ryan continued to stand, dumbfounded at the behavior of these people. What were they thinking? Not one of them even acknowledged his existence. Just then, however, Ryan realized what was going on.

“No…no. This can’t be happening right now. I don’t…I don’t believe it.”

Ryan was staring down at his own lifeless body, sprawled out on the cold concrete.

“How…that bus…but I moved.”

All he could do was stare at the bloody mess that lay before him. And all seemed to fade into a grey haze. His mind began to drift out of reality altogether.

“You moved too late, obviously. You wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

“You again. This is the worst vision I have had yet, are you done with me now?”

A strange grin passed over the man’s face.

“The real question, Ryan, is whether you have learned anything from your faults? Do you know where you are destined to remain now? Do you realize the selfish, impatient man you have been, and where you deserve to be for eternity?”

Ryan suddenly felt an extreme wave of terror come over him. He knew he wasn’t destined for anything good at this point. He looked at the man and began to speak.

“I know that I have been an awful human being. I know I haven’t been a good father or a good husband. I realize all of this has stemmed from a lack of patience and maturity. My heart tells me that I am bound for a place where the sun doesn’t shine, where the darkness will be my only companion. I am ready for my punishment, as ready as I will ever be.”

“You have realized your faults, Ryan. I will leave you now with a gift. It is a gift I have been waiting eagerly to give you. It is the gift of a second chance. But let it be known that there will be a debt to pay, when the time has come.”

With these words, Ryan awoke with a start. He was staring up at a white ceiling. He had no feeling at all. A face appeared above him.

“You’re awake! We thought we’d lost you!” said a man in a white doctor’s coat.

From Ryan’s position, the man looked like an angel.

“What…what happened to me…where’s my wife?”

“Oh, no need to worry, she’s in the waiting room. She’s been here all day, and she slept here last night. I would say she has some patience, wouldn’t you say? We do have some bad news for you Ryan. When the bus hit you, you were immediately paralyzed from the bottom of your neck down. It was a miracle that you survived.”

The doctor moved to the end of the bed, and Ryan watched as he scribbled on his clipboard.

“So that’s it? I’m just going to rot here in this bed forever? I’d rather have died!”

“Ryan, be thankful that you are alive, that you have been given a second chance, a chance to reflect on your life.”

“Wait…what…?”

Ryan’s eyes caught a shimmer of gold on the doctor’s right ring finger. It was a ring, with an inscription he recognized all too well.